The Prodigal Weekend: When Spiritual Leave Turns to AWOL
Well, friends, I need to open this blog with a bit of a confession. I took a “Weekend Off God.”
I don’t mean a planned retreat or a quiet time of rest. I mean I consciously, wilfully, and a bit sheepishly discarded my ‘spiritual armour’ for a few days. The Daily Office went unsaid. The quiet discipline of my prayer life was put on a shelf. Instead, I gave myself over to what I wanted, wallowing a little in the ‘apples’ of my own desires.
If you’ve ever felt this spiritual slump, this willful detour from the path, then you’re in good company—and not just mine.
The Prodigal Pattern
As I’ve reflected on that weekend, one biblical story has echoed powerfully: the Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32).
Isn’t this exactly the story? A son, wanting to “enjoy life” on his own terms, takes his inheritance and squanders it. He gets exactly what he thought he wanted. And when he’s finished, broken, and hungry, he starts the long walk back.
The most incredible part, the heart of the Gospel, is the Father’s reaction. The Common Worship Eucharistic prayer reminds us that God “is the source of all goodness, who creates and sustains all life.” Our Father doesn’t wait for a perfectly repentant, clean-cut son. He sees him “while he was still a long way off,” and runs to him. This is the radical, unconditional love that Jesus tells us about—a Father who will welcome us back, seventy times seven times, so long as we turn our faces homeward.
The Wrestling with Self
Yet, a part of me asks: why do I even want those “apples” in the first place? Why does this tug-of-war exist?
It’s a question that brings to mind the wrestling of St Paul in the seventh chapter of his Letter to the Romans. He laments, “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate” (Romans 7:15, ESV).
The truth is, if there wasn’t a sin-nature, a weakness, or a rebellion inherent within me, I wouldn’t have the desire to take leave in the first place. The struggle is real, and it is part of the human condition that the Church, through her disciplines, helps us to battle.
Unexpected Grace and the Call to Duty
Here is the amazing, almost ludicrous, thing. Even during my ‘leave of absence’ from God, Grace found a way to use me. In a casual encounter with a friend, I found myself able to offer a soft word of evangelism, simply sharing a nugget of my faith journey. It was a beautiful reminder that God’s gifts and callings are “irrevocable” (Romans 11:29) and that His power is not dependent on my immediate perfection.
Sunday arrived. I didn’t make it to Church.
But later that evening, when I was ready, when the spiritual dust had settled just enough, I took the dog for a walk in the rain. And there, while listening and praying along to the Office of Evening Prayer, the broken connection (in my mind) started to mend.
The Daily Office—the bedrock of our Anglican spirituality, found in the beloved Book of Common Prayer and Common Worship—is, for me, a regular “I’m reporting for duty, Sir” moment. It’s the fixed point, the structure, and the steady breath of the Church. That evening, it was a salve, a soothing balm that reminded me the Father’s door is never locked.
My ‘spiritual AWOL’ was over. I returned to the post, not with a fanfare of trumpets, but with a quiet walk in the rain. It was as if God was saying “are you done?…shall we carry on our walk together now?“.
May we all remember that no matter how far we wander, the Father is always running toward us. Try not to sin of course, but know this now – you will fall, as long as you live in this fleshly vessel you will sin – those who say they don’t sin don’t have the truth the Bible warns in the 1st Letter of John chapter 2. I blame Adam and Eve and the sin in me inherited from their disobedience in Eden.
If any of this resonates feel free to download the free personal liturgy below to confess to God your sins in a structured way at home or somewhere else (some of us need that as the words don’t always come)… However, simply saying “I’m Sorry God” is enough if heartfelt.
Prayer: O God, make speed to save us. O Lord, make haste to help us. (From the Opening Sentences of the Daily Office)
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