I don’t know about you but as a 54 year old guy I am well used to ploughing my own field, finding joy in the things of a solitary nature outside of the happiness of family, children and a hectic life of technology and writing.
Yet I think in all of us, and I speak as a Christian of some 25 years now, there is a desire particularly as men, to walk the Christian road with a few trusted companions, a few men-at-arms, who will walk in the sorrow, rejoice in the sun and simply be someone on whom one can rely.
I have for the past few years prayed fervently for such a brother companion, someone who has wrestled with scripture, who has experienced many of the things I have and who would be the “cup of coffee and theological chat” partner that a Saturday afternoon might call for.
Men, as we are, tend to have few close friends, fewer still would be those to whom we can turn immediately and in confidence. We live our Christian lives knowing there is of course a brother in our King, a friend in the storm and yet, in this earthly life we also need hyper-local (if I can couch temporal means in that way) companion.
There have been times in my life whence I thought that I had found such a friend, someone who shared my passion for the Kingdom, for Christ, for Doctrine and for wine but, these have invariable gone the way of the world for many reasons.
I often wonder if the Lord is showing me the value of being “alone” as a man to increase my reliance on Him as I strive day-by-day to be the dad and husband, the servant of the local church and the leader of others that I am supposed to be but, I look across the Bible and I see so many stories of men with brothers who walked with them that, in my more melancholy moments, I wonder if there will ever be that steadfast brotherly companion for me?
For the last few years I have walked with various men in the church at large (not just my local one). I have counselled, taught, discoursed, walked and worked with many indeed this blog and website (www.titusonenine.org) was the fruit of such a friendship but alas, as seems to be the way, the world takes over and suddenly there is silence where once there was discourse, there are unread texts, there are voids of unwritten collaborations, there is a missing energy.
And, if I am honest, it hurts somewhat. As a happily married man, a father of three, active in my local church I still feel the loneliness of the long distance runner. I exist day-to-day in a sort of “crowded desolation” where I live this beautiful, love-filled life of family and church and yet, yet, even as I am blessed by the noise of home, I am starved for the quiet discourse of a brother.
I am trapped in a blessed provider’s vacuum, pouring out my holy energy on my first ministry of home and household, all the while quietly emptying for a lack of iron-sharpening friendship.
My life is full. If you looked at my days from the outside, you would see a man who is deeply blessed, active, and happy. I have a wife I love, children who fill our home with beautiful noise, a job I have been given, a church community I serve, and a life that is rich with “purpose” and, I am grateful for every inch of it. Yet, I find myself praying for the kind of companionship I see in Scripture – the fierce, unshakeable covenant between David and Jonathan, or the steady, arm-lifting loyalty that Aaron offered to Moses. I am looking for a brother-in-arms, a TRUE peer.
I don’t need a casual acquaintance to talk about sports or the weather – I long for someone with whom I can discourse deeply, a brother with whom I can pray without pretence, who understands the heavy, beautiful weight of being a husband and a father in today’s world because he is carrying the exact same thing, I find even more so now that I need someone who knows the unique struggles, the silent doubts, and the daily sacrifices required to lead a family well.
And perhaps in honesty, more than anything, I miss the shared energy of kingdom-mindedness, the shared sense of mission and zeal. I pray for a brother who looks out at the world and longs for the Kingdom of God to be here, right now, someone who feels that same holy ache for heaven but who equally, looks at the dirt beneath his boots and says, “There is work to do here today. Let’s pick up our tools.”
It is easy for men in my season of life to default to functional isolation for we become so busy providing, protecting, and building that we forget our souls require the sharpening of iron against iron.
So this is my prayer today, yesterday and for as many tomorrows as the Lord wishes: for a brother to walk the trenches with, a man of shared vision, shared struggle, and shared faith.
Until then, I keep working, keeping watch, and keeping the door open.
Pax
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